So Dan Lyons Called

Sunday, 30 August 2009

And he’s all, “I guess you saw that ‘Dear Gruber: You’ve Been Pwned’ thing I wrote last week over at Fake Steve. Haven’t seen a link to it from Daring Fireball, so just checking to make sure you’re cool with that.”

“It’s cool,” I tell him.

He goes, “You know I love Daring Fireball, but geez, I couldn’t resist.”

“It was funny.”

“What did you think of the headline? Do people still say ‘pwned’?”

“Sure.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I love my gig at Newsweek, but I can’t exactly blow off any steam there. Not much of a taste for humor down there.”

“I saw they redesigned the magazine,” I say.

“Don’t get me started. I signed up for this gig to write for a top-shelf U.S. newsweekly. Jesus H. Christ on a stick, have you seen the magazine now? It’s like they turned USA Today into a magazine but left out the good parts, like Larry King’s column. My last piece, my editor tells me he wants 100 words. I go, ‘I thought this was supposed to be a feature?’ He goes, ‘It is.’

“And then there’s the obsequiousness. Last month I’m stuck interviewing Zuckerberg, and I’ve got to act like he’s a genuine captain of industry. I don’t think that dopey kid can even make change, he spends the whole interview picking gunk out of his toes through those damn flip-flops, and I’m stuck treating him like he’s the second coming of Bill Fucking Gates.”

I say, “Look, don’t sweat it, Dan. You’re writing for Newsweek, the premier magazine Americans turn to for week-old news when they’re sold out of Time. That’s what counts.”