I am Magneto, and I would like to register a complaint. Frankly,
all of these new mutants are terrible. […]
I met the people who were saying that metal objects now stuck to
them because of their vaccines and gave them a whole recruitment
speech about how they were the next stage in evolution, but once I
said the word “evolution,” they looked at me doubtfully. Then I
asked them to show off their abilities, and — I hate to say this
but, have you ever been at a friend’s amateur magic show, where
the magic show is not going quite as was hoped, and there’s a lot
of saying “hold on” and “wait, hang on” and “sorry” as they fail
several times running to identify your card, and then a dead bird
falls unprompted out of someone’s hat? Frankly, that would have
been an improvement.
We have our first nomination for the 2021 Pulitzer for commentary.