Verizon, Formerly Menace Mobile

Verizon has sprung for a new ad campaign set in the Austin Powers world, with four stars from the cast — Mike Myers, of course, as Dr. Evil; Rob Lowe as Number Two (Robert Wagner is alive but is 96); Seth Green as Evil’s son Scott, and Mindy Sterling as Frau Farbissina — and director Jay Roach. The premise of the two-minute spot is that Dr. Evil is proposing “Menace Mobile”, a wireless carrier with confusing pricing and plans. Scott pooh-poohs the idea on the grounds that “This isn’t evil. This is just typical phone company stuff.” Then, after some back-and-forth, comes this exchange:

Scott: Diabolical phone companies are why we’re all switching to Verizon.

Dr. Evil: I thought Verizon was just like the rest of the wireless organizations.

Scott: Well, they were, but not anymore. They just got rid of activation and upgrade fees. They’re changing everything.

I don’t think the commercial is particularly funny, alas, but I do find it extraordinary, because of the exchange quoted above. “Well, they were, but not anymore” is one the most extraordinary lines I’ve heard in a commercial. They’re just flat out admitting that, until recently, they ran their business like a scheme from Dr. Evil.

I’ve been on Verizon for a long time. It’s expensive, but so was AT&T, and I’ve always felt like I got better service and better coverage from Verizon (which is why I switched in the first place). But just last year I did the wrong thing when I bought my iPhone 17 Pro. I should have bought it unlocked, but instead I bought it as a device upgrade tied to my Verizon account, and the bastards nicked me for a $30 upgrade fee. I’d like to think that will never happen again because they’re actually dropping all of their bullshit fees, but I’ll believe it when I see it.

Austin Powers, by the way, came out in 1997. In the film, Powers was frozen since 1967. That means next year, we’ll be as far removed from the debut of the movie as unfrozen Austin Powers was from the groovy 60s in the film.

★ Thursday, 18 June 2026