My Conversation With ELIZA

I vaguely recall first trying some version of ELIZA back in the 1990s. I never found it all that impressive nor understood its stature in the AI literature. It’s better than a bunch of if/then statements but not by much. There’s some natural language grammar parsing that is somewhat interesting, but I never thought it came close to passing the Turing Test, and I was always skeptical of claims that people got deeply involved with it as a virtual therapist/counselor. I just tried it again, via The ELIZA Archeology Team’s web-based re-creation. Here’s my transcript:

HOW DO YOU DO. PLEASE TELL ME YOUR PROBLEM

I don’t really have a problem.

DON’T YOU REALLY REALLY HAVE A PROBLEM

No.

ARE YOU SAYING ‘NO’ JUST TO BE NEGATIVE

No.

YOU ARE BEING A BIT NEGATIVE

No.

WHY NOT

I’m just being honest.

IS IT BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST BEING HONEST THAT YOU CAME TO ME

No, I’m just curious to try this out.

WHY ‘NO’

I said “no” because my “just being honest” is not the reason I came to you.

YOUR JUST BEING HONEST IS NOT THE REASON YOU CAME TO I

That’s ungrammatical.

I AM NOT SURE I UNDERSTAND YOU FULLY

I am quite sure you don’t.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN QUITE SURE I DON’T

Pretty much since I got here.

There’s something wrong with people who consider today’s chatbots to be their friends or companions. But there’s something really wrong with people who considered ELIZA a useful confidant. Like suffered-a-permanent-head-injury wrong.

★ Wednesday, 8 July 2026